single do not waste time on the wrong man or woman
"The date was fun, but Maarten, you know, that blond man I told you about is actually the one I want to go for", a colleague from the gym told me. "You've had a few dates with that, but did he say he does not want a relationship?" "Was not he the one who thought he was a bit intrusive?", I answered, while my colleague gave me a faint look. eyes turned away.
Single? Do not waste time on the wrong man or woman
This is usually not what a woman wants to hear. A woman would rather hear that the husband really likes her. And that there are good reasons for his distant behavior. That he just had a relationship behind him, for example. Or that he is very busy with his work. I did not mean to be smart-witted. But actually I wanted to warn my colleague. This man is not going to make her happy.
Attract and repel
Because who did not experience it? I certainly do. The game of attracting and repelling. A woman meets a man. Or vice versa. There is attraction. There is interest. In the beginning it is exciting. You do not know yet if the other person is really interested in you.
You might do your best to come across as nice. Sweet, interesting, smart, sexy or cool. You throw all your charms in the battle to conquer the other.
Maybe you play the 'hard to get' game. You show interest but not 100% of the time. Or you notice that you only become interested when you have not heard anything from your date for a few days.
Psychological game
The reality is: here is a psychological game that directly affects your hormones. And so on how you feel and what you think. Actually, it is a deadly exhausting and misleading game that I will explain below.
Suppose a woman meets a nice man. A man who shows no interest at all, a woman will usually not waste time on it. A man who clearly shows interest and almost drools over her, a woman will probably get rid of it. But a man who shows some interest, but also remains a bit mysterious, who lingers in the head of a woman.
Fun and exciting
In the beginning that is of course very fun and exciting. You really do not have to know immediately whether a date develops into a nice relationship. But if you continue for weeks, months or even years, and you still feel insecure about this man and where you are exactly. Then it is high time to scratch your ears. Are you in love? And is there then real love? Or have you unconsciously confused your feelings of unrest and uncertainty?
Safe feeling
It seems boring. But what a person ultimately needs in a relationship (if you want a relationship at least) is peace, stability and a feeling of security. You want to be able to build someone, trust someone and feel that a fight does not immediately mean the end of the relationship.
Within a good relationship you feel confident, you know that you are worth it and that someone supports you 100%. Within a good relationship you dare to do more exciting things. For example, changing jobs, because you feel support from your partner. Within such a relationship you can of course feel insecurity at times or do you ever have a fight, but that is not a daily pattern. You are usually very happy with your partner.
Double signals? Exit with it!
Back to my colleague. She feels extra attraction because he issues double signals. He is interested (but only when it suits him). This makes her feel that she is very nice. What strengthens her 'feelings of being in love'. He literally says that he does not want a relationship. I know my colleague wants to. (whether with him or with someone else). Then there is only one solution. Do not waste too much time on this man. Do not convince this man that you're worth it. If a man does not see that, then this man might be suitable for someone else, but not for you.
As a psychologist, trainer and coach I give presentations, workshops and in-company trainings on topics related to mental health.
Think also of topics such as e-mail stress, dealing well with high work pressure or effective communication. My starting point is mental fitness. The ability to be happy and satisfied, both in your work and in private. Watch this YouTube video in which I explain what mental fitness is.
Single? Do not waste time on the wrong man or woman
This is usually not what a woman wants to hear. A woman would rather hear that the husband really likes her. And that there are good reasons for his distant behavior. That he just had a relationship behind him, for example. Or that he is very busy with his work. I did not mean to be smart-witted. But actually I wanted to warn my colleague. This man is not going to make her happy.
Attract and repel
Because who did not experience it? I certainly do. The game of attracting and repelling. A woman meets a man. Or vice versa. There is attraction. There is interest. In the beginning it is exciting. You do not know yet if the other person is really interested in you.
You might do your best to come across as nice. Sweet, interesting, smart, sexy or cool. You throw all your charms in the battle to conquer the other.
Maybe you play the 'hard to get' game. You show interest but not 100% of the time. Or you notice that you only become interested when you have not heard anything from your date for a few days.
Psychological game
The reality is: here is a psychological game that directly affects your hormones. And so on how you feel and what you think. Actually, it is a deadly exhausting and misleading game that I will explain below.
Suppose a woman meets a nice man. A man who shows no interest at all, a woman will usually not waste time on it. A man who clearly shows interest and almost drools over her, a woman will probably get rid of it. But a man who shows some interest, but also remains a bit mysterious, who lingers in the head of a woman.
Fun and exciting
In the beginning that is of course very fun and exciting. You really do not have to know immediately whether a date develops into a nice relationship. But if you continue for weeks, months or even years, and you still feel insecure about this man and where you are exactly. Then it is high time to scratch your ears. Are you in love? And is there then real love? Or have you unconsciously confused your feelings of unrest and uncertainty?
Safe feeling
It seems boring. But what a person ultimately needs in a relationship (if you want a relationship at least) is peace, stability and a feeling of security. You want to be able to build someone, trust someone and feel that a fight does not immediately mean the end of the relationship.
Within a good relationship you feel confident, you know that you are worth it and that someone supports you 100%. Within a good relationship you dare to do more exciting things. For example, changing jobs, because you feel support from your partner. Within such a relationship you can of course feel insecurity at times or do you ever have a fight, but that is not a daily pattern. You are usually very happy with your partner.
Double signals? Exit with it!
Back to my colleague. She feels extra attraction because he issues double signals. He is interested (but only when it suits him). This makes her feel that she is very nice. What strengthens her 'feelings of being in love'. He literally says that he does not want a relationship. I know my colleague wants to. (whether with him or with someone else). Then there is only one solution. Do not waste too much time on this man. Do not convince this man that you're worth it. If a man does not see that, then this man might be suitable for someone else, but not for you.
As a psychologist, trainer and coach I give presentations, workshops and in-company trainings on topics related to mental health.
Think also of topics such as e-mail stress, dealing well with high work pressure or effective communication. My starting point is mental fitness. The ability to be happy and satisfied, both in your work and in private. Watch this YouTube video in which I explain what mental fitness is.
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